Moving Forward

Only those who avoid love can avoid grief. The point is to learn from grief and remain vulnerable to love. --John Brantner

Does grief ever stop? Does it ever hurt less to remember? Do memories of a better time ever stop being bittersweet? I have tried to detach. I have tried to allow my heart to become hard and brittle. It doesn't work for me. I honestly don't know how it works for people. My Creator made me, made all of us for relationship. To be in a relationship with HIM and with those around us. The desire to be with and to love on people is too great in me. It comes with a cost.

Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of anemotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system.Here lies the road to recovery.-- F. Alexander Magoun

I have shed many tears, enough for a life time of hurt and sorrow. I have tried to hold it in. That is like filling a bucket up with water and never shutting the hose pipe off. Eventually the extra water has to go some where and some times it causes damage. I recieved a phone call from an old friend about a month ago. He had a message for me. Which in and of itself does not sound all that strange or out of the ordinary. However it was how he recieved the message and who it was from. He simply told me to scream if I want too. I need to, I needed to hear that too. Sadly I still haven't taken the time. Maybe that is my problem with grief, I don't allow myself to grieve properly.

~ To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness ~ ~ To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness ~

So there I am walking through the dark valley, feeling alone and helpless at times. There are shadows lurking, most likely ghosts from the pasts or skeltons I try to keep hidden. The truth is I am not alone. The truth is that I have an inner joy and a peace. Some times my valley gets dark and cloudy. If I keep walking though the storm comes and it seems to clean everything up. It is the rejuvenating kind, the one that comes at the edge of a major drought. The truth is I want to be who my Creator has made me to be. I am not sure what that entails right now. During this time I need to allow HIM to show me who I am because of His sacrafice. The journey may be long or short. At times it takes all I have not to give up. But the end is so worth the trials of getting there.


“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith

Today I decide to move forward. Today I am going to fight for my dreams and today I am going to smile because what I have waiting for me at the end of all of this is better than anything I could ever imagine!