So I get myself into situations that probably are not the best. I do things that I never thought in a million years I would do. Then it comes back to slap me in the face. Life is full of learning and I need to learn things the hard way. A friend once called it lessons to the heart, and usually it goes straight to my heart. There is so much I would like to say, unfortunately I dont know who my audience or even if I have an audience.
There are still plenty of things that I can share. Life seems good today. I am tan and the sun shines here more then I thought was possible this side of the equator, I have people all around me that love me, I am slowly (but surely) loosing weight, and my self esteem is better then it has been in years. I do miss home, I miss my mom and my true friends, I miss my church and the fellowship of other believers. But life is always good when you get to proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ. I know that it may sound corny and cheesey and christianisey but it is more true than anything else. I pray right now that the message does not fall on deaf ears but rather that the Lord opens ears and removes the scales from eyes....
I miss the smell of fall in the air and the crispness of the breeze, I miss going to niagara falls and skiing.
I am learning that I am an attractive young lady and that I dont think it is so much my looks and as much as what God does in my life. He has blessed me greatly and I pray that I continue to grow in HIM and that I would allow HIM to grow me to be the woman he wants me to be. Even though I make stupid choices.
People confuse me. Mostly people of the opposite gender. I am thankful that I ended my relationship with my ex though. I think he is a good man, and there are many times I miss him. But the more I learn who I am again, the more I learn how much I gave up for him and that he was not right for me, and as much as I wanted to be that one person to make him happy and whole it wasn't me. I still check in on his life. When I use to do this it would make me terribly sad, now I am not sad for me but for him. After a month of dating someone I dont think you can be in love, it is called infatuation especially if it is a long distance relationship. He was not able to give me what I needed and I did not want to live that way. I want a love that is going to last a lifetime through hell and high water and a love that folks will be jealous of... it will not be a love that was made of men but a true love that comes from my magnificant creator!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
today history was made
I have watched and been a part of history. I am yet to determine if it is good history, unfortunately I do not believe there are good times ahead. Today is November 4, 2008, election day. One way or another history was going to be made in the United States of America. Either we were going to have the first female vice president or the first black president. I am here to tell you that Barack Obama has just won the highest seat of power in the good ole USA. The very first black president will be sworn into office in January. It has been a journey and the American people have voted. We shall see what happens. I have hope though, not hope in people or princes of this world, but hope because I know that the King of Kings is the true ruler and I can trust in HIM. (psalm 118:9)
Today has been an eventful day for me. I was waken by a phone call from my mom. She informed me that a man that affected many peoples lives had died last week. He was young, 56 yrs old, and he had a massive heart attack. Al Salidino was one of my professors ar NCCC, he was a good man. My mom made a comment that I have felt deep in my sould for the past year. She said that today, life seems a little bit shorter. Life does seem shorter. A little later in the early afternoon I had a strange phone call. I felt like I had been found out. There are times I try to stay under the radar. I like to be unnoticed. The phone call shook me up a little bit. After a good lunch with a good friend, I voted. I am priviledged to have the option to vote and I feel it is my duty as an American citizen to vote, so I did. Later on I watched on television as some big history has taken place. My cousin and I were talking the other day about how our children and grandchildren will be reading all the things that have taken place in our life time in their history books.
We have grown up in time of war. It seems that our country, my country has been in war since I can remember. Unfortunately, we have also been witnessed to the largest attack on our country since Pearl Harbour. September 11, 2001 will never be forgotten and I was there. I was accross the bridge when the planes crashed into those two unshakable towers. My grandchildren one day will ask me about that day and sadly I will remember as though it just happened. My children`s children will read about that state of our economy and how it has not been this bad since the great depression, and they will ask me what it was like. Now I fear for the future of my beloved country. There is a part of me that fears for my future president`s life. I am proud that the majority of our country has been able to see black and white as equal. However, it only takes one ignorant person, one person that is so blind by hatred to end a mans life for no other reason than the color of his skin. Because of this I will be in prayer for the safety of my future president.
I suppose that the above is what is happening in my life on a larger scale. On a smaller more emotinal and closer scale there is also a lot happening. I am on my way to finding a church. It would be helpful if I did not have to work every other Sunday, but it will work out. I realized as I was talking with my friend the other night that one of the things I miss most about home is having my church family there around me. Having my dear friends near me that share my safe beliefs and passions is something I miss greatly. I hope to be able to find that here. There is a small piece of me that fears that I will never be completely over Patrick. Sometimes I still want to call him up and ask what he thinks about a certain topic or get his advice on how to do a certain thing. There I times when I miss his mysterious eyes and holding his face in my hands. But there is too much there that was so unhealthy for me, so damaging to the person I was and am trying to be, that I am greatful I do not have his eyes near enough to catch his gaze from accross the room, or the relationship to be able to call him when ever. For the most part I am over Patrick. There will always be a place for him in my heart. I will always care about him and his well-being. But it no longer upsets me that I was not the one for him, and that he is not the one for me. Life does go on. As the old adtage says ...it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...here's to lost love and new hope.
Today has been an eventful day for me. I was waken by a phone call from my mom. She informed me that a man that affected many peoples lives had died last week. He was young, 56 yrs old, and he had a massive heart attack. Al Salidino was one of my professors ar NCCC, he was a good man. My mom made a comment that I have felt deep in my sould for the past year. She said that today, life seems a little bit shorter. Life does seem shorter. A little later in the early afternoon I had a strange phone call. I felt like I had been found out. There are times I try to stay under the radar. I like to be unnoticed. The phone call shook me up a little bit. After a good lunch with a good friend, I voted. I am priviledged to have the option to vote and I feel it is my duty as an American citizen to vote, so I did. Later on I watched on television as some big history has taken place. My cousin and I were talking the other day about how our children and grandchildren will be reading all the things that have taken place in our life time in their history books.
We have grown up in time of war. It seems that our country, my country has been in war since I can remember. Unfortunately, we have also been witnessed to the largest attack on our country since Pearl Harbour. September 11, 2001 will never be forgotten and I was there. I was accross the bridge when the planes crashed into those two unshakable towers. My grandchildren one day will ask me about that day and sadly I will remember as though it just happened. My children`s children will read about that state of our economy and how it has not been this bad since the great depression, and they will ask me what it was like. Now I fear for the future of my beloved country. There is a part of me that fears for my future president`s life. I am proud that the majority of our country has been able to see black and white as equal. However, it only takes one ignorant person, one person that is so blind by hatred to end a mans life for no other reason than the color of his skin. Because of this I will be in prayer for the safety of my future president.
I suppose that the above is what is happening in my life on a larger scale. On a smaller more emotinal and closer scale there is also a lot happening. I am on my way to finding a church. It would be helpful if I did not have to work every other Sunday, but it will work out. I realized as I was talking with my friend the other night that one of the things I miss most about home is having my church family there around me. Having my dear friends near me that share my safe beliefs and passions is something I miss greatly. I hope to be able to find that here. There is a small piece of me that fears that I will never be completely over Patrick. Sometimes I still want to call him up and ask what he thinks about a certain topic or get his advice on how to do a certain thing. There I times when I miss his mysterious eyes and holding his face in my hands. But there is too much there that was so unhealthy for me, so damaging to the person I was and am trying to be, that I am greatful I do not have his eyes near enough to catch his gaze from accross the room, or the relationship to be able to call him when ever. For the most part I am over Patrick. There will always be a place for him in my heart. I will always care about him and his well-being. But it no longer upsets me that I was not the one for him, and that he is not the one for me. Life does go on. As the old adtage says ...it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...here's to lost love and new hope.
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