standing on this side of glory

Do you remember the first time your fell and scrapped your knee and your dad picked you up and took care of you? Or how about the time when your first love broke your heart and you cried on your mom's shoulder the whole night and she held you tight and told you it was going to get better? Or do you remember the first time you got on your knees and prayed, I mean really prayed and accepted the gracious gift of the love of Christ?

The Lord has been so gracious to me, so merciful. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around. Why would the Almighty all powerful God care about me and what I do. I have written about what has been going on this past year and the changes in my life. Here's the thing I have become good at living almost a double life. I know the talk and I know the walk and it's easy to go throught the motions and let certain people see only certain aspects of your life. Well I take it back it really isn't easy to do, it is tiresome and heavy with burden. But all things hidden in darkness shall be brought to the light in God's timing.

I have found a church here which I love and adore. When I first moved south and was looking for a church to call home it wasn't hard to find a church building filled with people on a Sunday morning. However, finding a church that Christ ment the church to be was not as easy. It is the worst feeling in the world to walk into a place that is suppose to be welcoming and non judgemental but you know that you are being judged just because of the way you look. People see piercings and tattoos and different colored hair and assume they know all about you. So walking into a building that is filled with the spirit of love and mercy and kindness is a beautiful thing. My church is small and doesn't offer all the special little things that a larger church does. But it is filled with the love and hope of the promise of Christ. God's word is taught and desired there. People have not judged me because of the way I look or the fact that I am not sitting in a pew every time the doors are open.

During the past year the Lord has been working on my heart. At first it was a soft whisper that if I was quiet I could hear. I didn't listen very well. But the Lord has been steady at work. The more quiet I became and the more I yearned for the Lord, the more I could hear Him whispering to me. A few Sundays ago I was sitting in church listening to the teaching, wondering what the sermon had to do with me. My spirit cried out. I was convicted and wanted to fall on my knees right then and there; i still tried to ignore what the Spirit was telling me. It was made clear that I needed to start changing some things in my life. The Lord of course provided the way. I have been concerned that perhaps there is no hope of true change and then the Lord sent some encouragement. I was told the other day that my face looks brighter, perhaps I am allowing the light of Christ to shine through. At least I hope for that.

A good friend said to me the other day that it is wonderful to be on this side of the fence. Meaning that when we are in God's will and listening to what His Spirit is trying to tell us we are on the right side. This side of the fence and this side of glory is not always the easiest or the most comfortable. There is no other place I would rather be. Without Him what is there? My prayer is to be the woman He wants me to be, to let His light shine through me, and to try to be more like Jesus to those around me. I suppose that is my prayer for those around me too.