talk is cheap

I sometimes get overwhelmed when I realize how incrediably blessed I am. Not because I have so much, not because I have tons of money not because of any other reason then I am loved. Somebody recently told my aunt that I was spoiled. It got me to thinking that I am in a way. I don't have a lot of material things, nor do I have tons of money. See I have some folks that I call family, and they consider me family. Growing up in my home was not the most pleasantexperience for me, it was quite the opposite, but the good Lord had some thing planned for me (as He always does).

My family is made up of a wonderful mother (the best i think), who is simply a woman of God that took me under her wing and mentored me and became a surregant mother; a father who is full of quirks and some how I am very much like him considering I am not his blood daughter ( nuture won out on this one i suppose); four brothers (their sons) a great sister in law and an incredibly awsome nephew! See they choose to have me in their family, which makes it all that more special. I dont think that I will ever be able to express my gratitude for them, I pray that one day I will be able to return the favor. So I suppose in that way I am spoiled. I also have a few select folks in my biological family that care alot about me and I live in a stable home.

I recently moved south, for how long I am not sure. It has been a learning experience for me, as I was hoping it would be. I am learning to be me again, I am getting to know my biological dad's side of the family more, I am finding my passion for life and love and the Lord again. I am discovering what MY goals are and what MY interests are. One thing that I learned is that I dont ever want to become bitter and cold toward people and life. I see what it does to people and frankly it is just plain ugly. I dont need, nor do I want a man in my life to make me happy. For a long time I didnt think I was anything special. For a few reasons I thought this. One was because I did not listen to what God said about me and the other reason is because my significant other acted as though I was nothing special for far too long. Well I am slowly discovering that I am a beautiful person inside and out. Men find me attractive, who knew. I have learned that people are hateful no matter who they are are to you, but I dont have to be this way. I can continue to love on people because that is what I am called to do.

I say all these things and am slowly putting my words into action. Honestly it is easier for me to be hatefully back and to judge and just simply be bitch. But deep down I dont think that is the way I am. I am learning to be me. I am also learning what is special to me and what are the things I like to do. After 3 years of doing what someone else always wanted to do i forgot what I like. Some one recently asked me what are some things that I enjoy. This should not have been a hard question, but sadly it was. So lots of learning.

A few years ago I went to a conference at my home church. I dont remember much from it. However, the one thing that I do remember is that the speaker basically said that we should not let the way people treat us or react to us effect the way we treat them or act toward them. We never know what happened to that person before their interaction with us, it may not have been a pleasant one, so treat them with kindness and respect no matter what and give them the benefit of the doubt. It does no good to let things bother us. So I try, I am not always successful at it, but I try to find the good in all people and try to see things from their perspective. I pray that the Lord teaches me to do this more and more every day.