Some times things are said and you don't regret them, however you do regret the motivation behind them or the way in which you said things to the other person.
See I was madly deeply in love with this man. We were very different, but enjoyed each others company. I never let my guard down. There is a handful (if that) of people that I trust and that I have aloud into my personal circle. Don't get me wrong I am a people person. I like hanging out with friends and interacting with people, but that does not mean they are aloud into the inner most part of me. For some reason this person was permitted to enter despite my better judgement. I let myself fall in love, which isn't so bad, but he never loved me. Sure he cared about me but I guess I just didn't do it for him. I had found out that there was other women he was talking with in a manner not appropriate for someone in a relationship. It broke my heart, it still does a little bit i guess. I gave 120% to him, and felt like if I just hung in there a little longer he would fall in love with me. I realized that was not going to happen. If it hadn't happened in 3 years why should I think anything would change. Needless to say I was hurt, I trusted this person with my everything. And I was betrayed. Sure maybe it was not an actual physical affair, but it was worse in a way because fantasy was better then the reality in front of him.
So I wrote him an email. See I didn't tell him about everything I knew while we were dating, i figured it didn't matter but it did. I was hurt badly. I ended the relationship because it wasn't fair for me to be with someone who couldn't love me and it was not fair for him to be with someone he didn't love. He deserves to be with someone he is crazy about. So I wrote him an email and told him how I felt and that I knew everything. I wanted him to know for 2 reasons. I was hurt and he wanted me to share my feelings about him with him not someone else, and 2, to let him know that when he is in a relationship he should not be able to get away with that. it is not ok to treat people like that.
I think I hurt him. Well I guess I did. He blogged about it, and said why bother saying anything if I was going to be negative and that I was young and immature, and bitter and vengeful. It has nothing to do with my age and I am actually pretty mature for my age. I was not being vengeful. As I look back on it perhaps I was feeling a little bitter, but because I was hurt and angry and upset, with nothing in return from him. I don't regret writing him the email, or the things I said. I wish I would have put more positive things in it, just to out way the negative a little bit, but what I said was the truth. I never met to hurt him, I just wanted to let him know so he didn't hurt anyone else in the future.
I am over him. I just wish I was over the hurt. The feeling of betrayal. One day at a time. I need to just look up and fall on my knees.
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